I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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