Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
