i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
false alarm, still single
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
