I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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