I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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