She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
