My liver just broke up with me...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
