Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
