he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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