In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
