The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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