i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
