Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
