he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just cropdusted the office
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
