Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
