paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
