Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
