Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
