I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
