It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
