You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
