they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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