Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
