He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
