my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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