Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
