My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
