Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
