You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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