I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Holy shit dude........stairs
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