after a month anything with tits is on the radar
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
The air taste purple.
Randomize
