dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
