We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
