I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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