well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
