Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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