She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
