you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
