He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
