That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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