I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
