i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
