She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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