Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
That accounts for only three of the penises
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
