Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
