I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
