I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
