So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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