I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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