I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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