While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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